Friday, September 25, 2009
Reality hits, and hits hard. :P
As I lie awake worrying about the unpaid power bill, upcoming mortgage, the collections calls from all the medical bills, etc. I realized that it is easy to feel trapped in this vicious circle, this toilet flush of circumstance. I know we are not the only family dealing with these worries.
I realized this chain of events increases the challenges exponentially:
Serious health condition = I can no longer work (significant drop in family income) = disability application = long wait (1400+ days currently and awaiting a hearing with a judge) = medical bills = collection accounts = lower credit score = higher interest = more money owed = wider gap between resources and needs = skimping on medical care = higher medical costs = no money to fund a garden or other means to self sufficiency = continuing high cost of nourishing and raising 3 growing boys ....
Well, you get the picture. Thankfully we don't have the typical consumer debt on top of that, and no car payments, etc. Of course there are so many additional areas of our families lives that are impacted that I try not to consider them all at once. How overwhelming!
As I was rattling on the other day to my husband about the most economical way to do our raised beds, and what recipes I have collected that I can use when we grow xyz, and other plans for our self-sufficiency project; he had a bit of a breakdown. He said "You just don't get it."
Now, I thought I did 'get it'. Our situation has been precarious for a few years now. I thought that he didn't 'get it'... I thought "We just need to persevere, plan, execute, keep going one foot in front of the other, day by day, as we have these past years."
The realization that he is right, I don't GET IT, hit me square in the forehead about midnight.
Maybe it is all that conditioning from my Nana (THANK YOU NAN!), or that indomitable spirit finally kicking in, but I refuse to give up or give in. We CAN do this. I may have to be patient. Things may come in steps, small baby steps even. But they will come. Time is the one thing on our side.
They will happen. I know this to be true. To the very core of my being. I will not short-change our dreams just because there are challenges.
I have also seen that this 'Economic Crisis' has given other people the desire, freedom, and passion to pursue paths that they hadn't felt open to them before. My wish is for everyone to be empowered to pursue their passions, endure and overcome whatever challenges they face, and love themselves and their families for every ounce of potential there is in their being.
Wishing many blessings, and relief from stresses (even briefly),